Fathers who dont take responsibility.

[garry1312]

just stuff should not be aired in here, you and cb have to sit down and sort it out, and am sure time will heal, were once a great couple.... been there wore , and got tshirt only time will sort.


Airing such stuff can and look like a call to others that someone needs help, there loads of sites and organistations out to help.


Not saying you require help, u just require someone to talk to... or both....

Once again mate this thread has nothing at all to do with me and CB. Me and CB have sorted things out we are friends i have my son half the time she has him half the time end of that.

The thread is related to exactly what the title says so lets keep it on topic with that not my personal life. I only used my situation to explain how I take responsibility for my son.

So what I will say if the full me and CB thing should be dropped the thread should not be looked at as if that is in relation to the thread as it certainly is not. As mentioned the thread idea came from an ITV programme.

[garry1312]

Garry and Cb....It's early days yet and I agree whole heartedly about your feelings for your child. I can comment from both sides of the fence on this one though. Being both a parent and step parent. Same as you both my kids are my life, but so are my step kids even though as they were growing up I used to get the obligitory you can't tell me what to do your not my dad....I can guarantee you both that any future partners you may or may not have will almost certainly leave you and not need to be told to leave if they have no say in the discipline (maybe a bit of a harsh word) or rules of the house which is their home for which they are responsible for the well being and safety of everyone in it. My rules are very basic but step kids will push every possible button they can find (you don't have unconditional love for a step child) it is a relationship that has to be worked at. So don't be too harsh on prospective step parents it's not an easy job.....Don't know if you noticed gary but I think cb did that after talking to you about your situation I decided that my 16 year old pregnant step daughter should move back in with us as over the last year she had been living away (signed herself into the care of the social services cause she said there wasn't enough freedom to do as she wanted in our house) she had proved that she could be trusted and deserved another go and she has grasped the opportunity with both hands. So I will say thanks to you garry for reminding me it wasn't that long ago I was being a sh1t and everybody deserves a second chance

Thanks mate.

You are more on topic with given a few on how you take responsibility and that is what I am looking for out of this thread peoples views on the topic not peoples views on my situation.

If someone says I had a child and could not be part of that childs reason for this or that reason I may or may not agree but I am not going to shoot them down.

All I will say is people for the sake of this thread forget about me and CB as being once together etc and see us as individuals in this thread who have views on the matter and as I said its not always men that dont take responsibility.

Its not a personal matter just a programme that made me raise the question and I would have still raised the issue even back then. So members understand this is not to do with my personal life but as the the subject says and as mentioned in the first post. I only mentioned how it works for me and thats what I want to hear from others.

I think it could be a good thread and yes there may be a bit of debate involved but the thread needs to be kept on topic and it needs to be understood that this is not relating to a personal issue.

[ChelseaBun]

i really do appreciate everyones input. whether they know about my circumstances or not.

stig, i admire that you have 6 kids! i admire that you are still with and still very much respect the same woman who mothered your children.

HH for as long as i can remember i have always said it take someone very special to take on someone elses children. i could not personally do it. and for that reason i would not expect any man to do it for me. that is why i have said i would happily go single. because my son is my life. i would never see a man suffer for him because i would not expected it nor ask for it.

i really admire you for taking on someone elses children as i could not myself. it really does take some special to do that.

[garry1312]

and i'v only read half the thread folks garry and cb

i've often said after raising 6 kids its respect for each other will see ye through the rough patches { wit a couple of door slams } bringing 3rd parties in will cause disruption but once the kid knows he/she is loved no worries

and yes i'm half bladdered writing this

Thanks for your post mate vey much on topic.

Have a lot of respect for you mate and 6 wow mate never knew that as you know I have a wee boy and I love him to bits would never not see him but it is hard work being a parent but worth it all and much more

[happy_highlander]

Cb best of it is even my own two boys don't call me dad they call me by my first name same as the older ones (unless they want something) the pregnant one has even asked if her little boy can have my name as his middle name so I can't be that bad to live with after all . But back on topic it is different strokes for different folks and sometimes to respect the wishes of a partner and stay away is the best for the child intl they are old enough to make their own decision. A lot of the folk on that program are very sketchy with background info so you don't know the full situation. Examples being a drunk or a junkie are not what I would call good role models or responsible enough to be in sole care of a child. I stopped drinking for the sake of my children as they are my life but not everybody can or wants to and in those cases it is kinder on the child if they stay away.

[garry1312]

Cb best of it is even my own two boys don't call me dad they call me by my first name same as the older ones (unless they want something) the pregnant one has even asked if her little boy can have my name as his middle name so I can't be that bad to live with after all . But back on topic it is different strokes for different folks and sometimes to respect the wishes of a partner and stay away is the best for the child intl they are old enough to make their own decision. A lot of the folk on that program are very sketchy with background info so you don't know the full situation. Examples being a drunk or a junkie are not what I would call good role models or responsible enough to be in sole care of a child. I stopped drinking for the sake of my children as they are my life but not everybody can or wants to and in those cases it is kinder on the child if they stay away.

Aww thats really nice mate that she wants to have your name as the middle name must be very touching.

Yeah ofcourse mate, there is situations were drugs or alcohol is involved and you cant have a child round that.

There is also medical issues also. Right now I have something going on and I said to my sons mother if it turns out to be.... I will move closer to my son and come and see him each day rather than having him and him staying over.

So there is always going to be a situation were it is sometimes best to step back for the sake of the child and do what you can to get yourself sorted.

Also a mate of mine has a family (mrs and two daughters) but has a little boy from a previous relationship he was telling me that any time he sees his son his son has no respect for him and will tell him were to go because his mum is filling his head full of nonsense the more he gets on with his life and he said the advice he was given by his stepfather (he sees him as his dad as his own father was a very nasty man physically and sexually towards his daughter) was "step back right now its a battle you cant win right now you are either going to need to wait until her attitude changes which I doubt or wait until he has his own mind".

[happy_highlander]

Taking a step back is good advice. Kids grow up much quicker than we expect and will look back and see the true story. My step kids stop going to see their dad when they were about 9 and realised the lies he was telling and trouble he was trying to cause, and as they didn't see him anymore he was fair game for a walloping without being able to say to the kids see told you so, he did this to me so he'll probably do it to you, ~~~~in tw@

[garry1312]

Yeah sounds it mate and you sound like a fantastic father.

I dont mean to sound big headed but I am a fantastic father I devote my time to my son when he is here and even when he is not here I devote my time to him, by thinking about him, thinking what we will do when he is back with me etc.

As Shady said early on in this thread it takes nothing to be a father but it takes a lot to be a dad and you are a perfect example of that with your stepchildren you are not the father but sounds like you are more of a dad than he will ever be

[Wolfpack]

To many people have excuses when it comes to children. The sad thing is people divorce to easily. If your married and have children you should stick it out til your children are old enough to understand. No matter what young children feel it's their fault their parents split. Their is just to many kids being raised without a father.

[garry1312]

To many people have excuses when it comes to children. The sad thing is people divorce to easily. If your married and have children you should stick it out til your children are old enough to understand. No matter what young children feel it's their fault their parents split. Their is just to many kids being raised without a father.

Do agree that if there is a way to sort things out then they should be taken. A better environment for a child is a proper family. But if there cant be a 'family' then the child/ children still needs both parents as much and there should be no excuses.

[hltdvb]

moving articles! every parent is great, not matter what they do, just they bring us to the world! and one day, we are also the great man!

[Snowy79]

It's not just taking responsibility for your kids that make you a great Father. It's also the examples you set that will decide in the long run if you are a great Father. As has been said kids grow up fast but they also take on peer pressure. This can have an even greater affect as to how your kids view you.

When they're young spending time with them and playing with then will make them think you're the best Dad/Mum in the World. As they grow up sadly possessions start to sneek into the relationship and like it or not how you provide for your kid will have an affect on how they view you. They'll go from thinking your great because you used to play with them to thinking what sort of person is my parent. Do they sit on their arse all day, left school with no quals and a lay about attitude or did they work hard and better themselves.

In broken relationships its sometimes how the other person has turned out will decide how kids view their parents. I've been there with the snide comments from my ex to my kids when I'm not around but it got to the stage where it pissed my kids off. They're pretty intelligent and realised which one of us worked hard to provide for them and which one sat around bitching.

In short it's more then cuddles and spending time with your kids that make a good parent it's setting decent standards in all aspects of life.

[Lainie]

gotta be honest and say not read all in this thread. my fiances ex took their child when she was 2 to live in england. she left him in 000's of debt. she didnt work after they had child so she hid all the letters etc. he came home from work to find house half empty.

she now lives in a wee village near hull which has no job prospects etc but thats deliberate so she doesnt have to work. she has another 19 yr old daughter there and she doesnt work.

she lives in a ?550 3 bed private landlord accommodation and doesnt pay a penny in council tax. she gets her ctc, cb and her esa (depression - my arse)

she has more disposable income than my other half. she has full sky tv which we cant even afford.

her boyfriend is a pensioner she met on a very dodgy web site.

we are lucky to see wee one who is now nearly 7 twice a year.

if we could afford to go for custody we would.